1. Mengistu Mariam
Head Dietician, Ethiopia, 1974–1991
You know how, whenever anyone says "Ethiopia", your subconscious immediately presents you with this eidetic image of some starving kid, limbs all withered, belly all distended, and flies all crawling on his face? That's this guy's fault.
2. Mobutu Sese Seko
President, Congo, 1960–1971 President, Zaire, 1971–1997
Originally Joseph Désiré Mobutu, he changed his name (along with his country's) during his "Africanization" project of the mid-seventies. Meanwhile he became one of the richest men in the world by looting his country's vast mineral resources. Squandered the money on haircuts, overpriced luxury items and estates on the Cap Ferrat. Also built Gbadolite, "The Versailles of the Jungle", which had a landing strip for the Concorde in the middle of one of the most impoverished areas on earth.
3. Jean-Bédel Bokassa
President, Central African Republic, 1965–1972 President for Life, Central African Republic, 1972—1977 Emperor, Central African Empire, 1977—1979
The archetype of the tin-pot dictator, except his tin pot was laced with genuine diamonds. Barbarous military thug who was enchanted by the pomp and bombast of 18th-century European royalty. Personally tortured his political opponents, then claimed to have fed their bodies to visiting foreign dignitaries. Crowned himself Emperor in 1977; the coronation ceremony used up the entire French aid budget and was modeled after Napoleon's. You can see the mind-blowing footage of this event in Werner Herzog's Echos aus einem düsteren Reich, which also features a chimpanzee smoking a cigarette.
4. Gamal Abdel Nasser
President, Egypt, 1956–1970
He's listed under "Pan-African Socialist", although it was really Pan-Arab. Same difference. Sought to unite the Muslim world under a program of scientific socialism. Taken to school in the Six Day War. Not the greatest guy in the world, all things considered, but certainly better than most current Arab leaders.
5. Léopold Senghor
Poet-in-Chief, Senegal, 1960–1980
Academic Francophile who pushed Senegal toward an old-school Euro-style parliamentary democracy, with mixed results. Invented the political philosophy of négritude. Wrote a lot of poetry. Stepped down voluntarily in 1980, one of the few African heads of state ever to do so. Later elected to the French Academy of Letters.
6. Ian Smith
Prime Minister, Rhodesia, 1965–1979
Batshit ultra-rightist who seceded from the British commonwealth so his country could continue exploiting the blacks. Dressed his soldiers in combat shorts and safari hats. Mean-spirited public speaker, and a military hard-ass too; his regime deployed anthrax spores in their war against Mugabe. Famously declared that it would be a century before Africa was ready for majority rule.
7. Hastings Banda
President, Malawi, 1964–1970 President for Life, Malawi, 1970–1994
Socially conservative autocrat who always wore a bowler hat and three-piece suit, regardless of temperature. Held onto power until his ninth decade. Changed his country's name from 'Nyasaland' to 'Malawi', a nonsense word that means nothing in any language (Cf. 'Zaire', 'Cameroon'.) Carried a fly whisk everywhere.
8. Samora Machel
President, Mozambique, 1975–1986
Gnomish Marxist firebrand who led a brilliant campaign of attrition against the Portuguese. Gifted public speaker in the vein of Castro. Tried to start a league of non-aligned countries with Tito and friends, but they couldn't agree on anything. Strangely, got along well with Reagan. Died in a mysterious plane crash, likely orchestrated by the SADF. Still adored by his people: "Pai Querido de Mozambique".
9. Julius Nyerere
President, Tanganyika 1961–1964 President, Tanzania, 1964–1985
Orator, scribe, and all-around renaissance man known as "The Teacher." Famous for his brilliant rhetoric, his rigorous intellectual honestly, and his little Hitler mustache. Provided arms and safe haven for a dozen separate African independence movements, including Machel, Mugabe, Mondlane, Museveni and Mandela. Forged an independent "third way" for African economic development known as ujaama. It didn't work out.
10. Jomo Kenyatta
Chief Mau Mau Apologist, Kenya, 1963–1978
Kikuyu tribal leader who guided his fledgling country toward a fairly successful right-of-center economic development program. Liked, but not well-liked. Corrupt, but in a manageable way. Used his connections to greatly enrich himself and his tribe who still own most of the land and businesses. (This is now a Kenyan tradition.) His book's on my reading list.
11. Nelson Mandela
President, South Africa, 1994–1999
Global human-rights icon who's still kicking at the age of 91. Famously endorsed for his campaign of non-violent resistance (this was after he blew up a power plant.) Arrested and branded a "terrorist" by the apartheid-era government, with tacit endorsement from the U.S. of A. Spent 27 years as a prisoner-of-conscience on Robben Island, the Alcatraz of Cape Town. Released in 1990, assumed the Presidency in 1994. Divorced his shrewish wife and married Samora Machel's widow. Have you read his book? It's pretty good.
Nounds like a nice group of fellas.
ReplyDelete