never tell me the odds

This was originally private correspondence. My apologies to CR.

Life risks I've taken recently:

• Shot of Uganda Waragi "vodka": 5% chance of blindness per shot, cumulative (3 such instances; you can buy it in a plastic bag)
• Eating brown paper bag full of greasy pork ribs I bought on the street: 1% chance of choking, 2% chance of trichinosis per rib (7 such instances)
• Eating an unrefrigerated fried samosa that had to be handed to me through a chain-link fence outside the Nakasero primary school: 2% chance of food poisoning per samosa (4 such instances, all in a row; they cost five cents each)
• Falling off of a sailboat in Lake Victoria, thus contracting the liver-eating bilharzia parasite, aka "snail fever" - 10% chance per fall (4 such instances; i'm not much of a sailor)
• Flying on regional prop plane piloted by underskilled Ugandan: 25% chance of dying per hour of logged air-time (2 such instances, since it was round-trip)
• Riding a boda: 1% risk of getting mangled per ride (3 such instances daily)
• Riding a boda at night: 10% chance of getting mangled per ride, since both you and the driver are likely drunk (2 such instances weekly)
• Pack of "Sportsmen" cigarettes: 4% chance of ammonia poisoning per cigarette (20 such instances)
• Becoming a ugandan millionaire at mayfair casino poker tables: 10% chance of getting shanked in parking lot (1 such instance)
• Riding a boda at 3 in the morning after 3 shots of Waragi with a fat wallet full of shillings in one hand and a Sportsmen cigarette in the other: 10% + 3 x 5% + 10% + 4% + 5% bonus for unlocking all achievements = 44% chance of some form of fatality (1 such instance)
• Sitting through meeting with Ugandan "Development Minister" as he distractedly rambles about his country's economic prospects: 1% chance of fatal cognitive dissonance per blatant self-contradiction (1 such instance every 5 minutes; the meeting lasted an hour and a half)
• Anopheles mosquito bite: 1% chance of contracting malaria per bite (x17 trillion such instances)
• Swine Flu epidemic: 100% chance that everyone on Planet Earth dies (1 such instance)

And yet I persist. Unsurprising, that, since if a lifetime of stupid risks and self-destructive behavior has taught me one thing, it's taught me this: I'm hard to kill.